Desperately Seeking My Babies!!

On the evening of my third son's fifteenth birthday I am sitting here confused, proud and sad. I am proud of the man my sweet, blond haired, blue eyed baby is becoming, confused by how fast it has all happened and saddened at the loss of yet another baby as he hurdles to adulthood. I am also saddened by how much I can't remember about the process. I look back through old photos and my heart skips a beat when I see certain things that are now lost forever...that look of amazement that would skitter across his face when he saw something new, those sweet blond curls now darkened and cut short. My Nicholas. Some things stand out in my mind. I remember the funny way he used to talk. Blake was the only one who could understand him and he would play interpreter for us. Nicholas would say, "boird" for "bird" and he would trill his lips when he said, "French Fries" in a way no one else in the family could quite imitate. He was always smart as a whip and we had him programming the VCR when he was three. To this day he is the go to guy for all technical questions. Nicholas has always had a calm way about him, so much so that he is often lost in the shuffle of this tumultuous household. He always just does what he is supposed to do, no arguments, no hassles.

He has always been amazingly close to his younger brother and is only now starting to pull away from Evan. And although I know this separation is normal and inevitable it pains me to see how much it is hurting Evan.
Nicholas was born six months before my father died. I found my father dead of a heart attack right before Mother's Day and I must admit it threw my life into a tailspin. I began having panic attacks and was thrown into such a deep depression that I just couldn't see my way out. Because of this I always felt like I missed out on the beginning of Nicholas' life, that I cheated him. So much of his first couple of years are lost in the darkness of those days. I spent so much time trying to forget the darkness that I let go of alot of the light as well. (Thank God for Prozac!)

I guess that is one of my true regrets. That I did not stop and savor those moments. That it seems like everything became a step toward another. Nothing was ever IN and OF itself. Hurry and get them dressed so we can eat breakfast. Hurry and eat breakfast so we can go to the store. Hurry and get through the store so we can fix lunch. Hurry, hurry, hurry! How many times have I told them to, "Hurry Up!"? Why was I always in such a hurry? Now I spend all of my time wishing I could slow it all back down.

My beautiful fair haired angel is now all grown up and ready to get his permit and seriously! I miss that baby! But you know what? Tonight I hung out with my boy. And I was in no hurry. We went and found him a new phone for his birthday and then went to dinner, just the two of us. And though he probably thought it was a normal, fairly boring evening, it was anything but to me. I was in no hurry. I sat with him and I watched him and I enjoyed him. Tonight was IN and OF itself and I was there in the moment, all of me. I love that kid. I love him inside and outside, backwards and forwards, upside down and all around. He has been a part of me for a mere fifteen years yet I love him timelessly, endlessly. I am looking forward to meeting the man he will become but I am in no hurry I think I will just try and enjoy every moment of this boy who is now fifteen.

When a Photographer tries to Photograph their own...

"Okay, it is time and I can do this!" So I have been chanting to myself over and over the past few months leading up to the inevitable Family Christmas Card Session of Terror! This year is a special one because my oldest children no longer have braces and my youngest one gets them on the first of the year. Therefore this year I am going to do a large wall portrait. Piece of cake, right? I mean, after all this is what I do all day every day.
Flashback to the Rich Christmas Card Sessions of the Past....sort of like the ghosts of Christmas Past foretold Ebeneezer's future these past sessions should have given me a clue that my expectations were too high. After all we always have to alert the neighbors when we are going to do the session so they don't panic when they hear screams, yelling, tears and possibly see the SWAT team swarming the house. They can just shrug it off and say, "It's okay to stay outside, honey. That is just Ms. Rich attempting to photograph her children again".
But I was determined!! This was THE year!! I knew the look I wanted, Black on Black. I bought all of the boy's shirts a month ago, had them try them on and then hid them at the studio so I would not have any clothing woes. I told all of them over and over what time the photos were to be taken...noon on Sunday, noon on Sunday, noon on Sunday...they should have it hammered in by now. "Alex, don't forget the photos are noon tomorrow". "Alex, don't forget the photos are noon tomorrow". "Alex, don't forget the photos are noon tomorrow". "MOM!! I know!!! Stop that! You are driving me crazy! How could I possibly forget as you have said nothing else to me for weeks!" "That's fine Alex, I love you! Don't forget the photos are noon tomorrow".
I go to bed feeling pretty confident. After all everything is prepared and ready to go!
Wake up and it all goes downhill from there. I had some kind of allergic reaction to the garland's I was hanging and broke out in hives and scratched until I bled. And let me just say that I don't get pimples. I have never had pimples. Even as a teen I had a smooth complexion but I wake up with a pimple the size of Rhode Island on the side of my nose. "Don't sweat it" I tell myself. After all I have mad photoshop skills! So I am looking in the mirror to try put some cover up on the massive mountain on my face when I notice not only the mountain but all of the new craters. I look like the freaking lunar landscape! When in the world did I get so old?? Seriously!
No time for worries, just round up the kids. So off I go. My eldest son, Alex, is MIA. So I start calling everyone he has ever known looking for him. Of course it is before eleven so none of his friends are alive yet and I can't find him. I call my daughter and tell her to take her time getting here as I am searching for her brother. Finally I find him at 12:15 and tell him to hurry and get home. Should I tell him now that as far as I am concerned he needs to find another home? No, that must wait until after pictures. Yelling at number one son is not conducive to a pleasant photo shoot. So I bite my tongue, tell him to get in the shower and that I will meet them all at the studio.
Just a little bit longer and then all of this will be behind me! I can do it! I can do it!!
Kids come in and I glance up at Alex, determined not to yell when I notice the three day old stubble all over his beautiful face! He says, "I didn't think it looked that bad." Maybe to a homeless person! I sent the husband off for shaving cream and razor. Things are definitely not looking good.
I start wondering why I bother! Why do people do this? Why go through this just for a photo? UGH! I hate this, I hate photos, I hate my job, I am quitting!
Finally everyone is dressed and ready. I start arranging them. Chelsey is determined to get a good photo. Alex is rolling his eyes and fuming. Blake is looking at me with a look of total boredom. Evan is on a sugar high and Nicholas is just enjoying the show.
"Smile"! I get grimaces. "Come on guys! I just need one good photo." Fakest smiles I have ever seen. I get frustrated and I become the parent that I hate to have walk into my studio. I start yelling. Okay, I know this does not help. I KNOW THIS but I just can NOT seem to shut my mouth! Now I am mad at them and mad at myself. This is not going well. It never goes well. Why can't they just pretend that we are a happy and fully functioning family for five minutes??? WOULD IT BE SO HARD????? Jeez!
So now I start to cry. This makes everyone mad at Alex who they blame for the whole fiasco. They all start yelling at each other. Alex's sole defender, Blake, is screaming at everyone that they are being mean to Alex. I go in my office and cry. Alex comes in and says to come out and lets just finish. I yell, "Just forget it!" and he storms out of the studio, slamming the door which breaks the door lock. Now my husband has to go get tools and a new door handle and spends the next two hours working on this.
Sigh....seriously! This is why you should never photograph your own children. Especially my children. The signs were there all along. Allen Griggs still talks about the time Blake just threw a total melt down temper tantrum at his studio. I mean how many children has Allen photographed? Thousands? Yet MY child is the one who sticks out in his mind? When I took the kids to Annie's Photography for Easter Bunny photos she told me that one of them was threatening the Easter Bunny's life!! So why am I always surprised when these photo sessions always disolve into a nuclear melt down?
Anyway, here I am at the end of the day. I feel terrible about the whole day. I did everything wrong and now none of my kids are talking to each other and the air is heavy with regrets. Especially mine. I could have handled the session way better and gotten an entirely different result....maybe.
Sigh,,,,Yet another failed Christmas Session. Maybe the worst one in recent memory.
Do you think I should try again next weekend or just have myself committed?

I am no longer a photographer.....

I am no longer a photographer.

Nowadays everyone calls themselves a photographer. People no longer "take pictures". Instead everyone is a "photographer". As if my ability to add numbers (limited as it may be) qualifies me to label myself an accountant! People are getting new cameras, slapping up a website and announcing their new business to the world of Facebook. But isn't there more to it than that? Shouldn't there be? Is it all as simple as that? A camera, some business cards and a smugmug website?

I am seeing new photographers every day. And while some stand out as potentially talented and others stand out as appallingly bad, they all seem to share one thing in common....satisfaction with mediocrity. The market has become so glutted with average that the consumers can't seem to tell the difference anymore. The saddest thing is that these self proclaimed photographers know little about the art of photography and even less about the technical aspect. They think because they have a good camera they will take great photos. And they will....sometimes....Well, I can buy the most expensive top of the line scalpel but that doesn't mean I am automatically a great brain surgeon. Perhaps this seems like an extreme example but it still fits. Brain surgery takes education, practice, technical knowledge, a steady hand, dedication and years to master. Likewise, photography. We may not be saving your life but we are responsible for telling your story and that is a sacred task.

Don't misunderstand me! I do not consider myself a master photographer but you can bet your bottom dollar that I will be! And why? Because I have dedicated myself to the study of photography, both the technical and the art. Because I enter competitions all of the time in order to catch those elusive merits thereby improving my work with every competition.

Everyone starts somewhere. Everyone is at a different place on their path but it is these people who claim the name but not the work involved who are driving me to distraction and muddying the waters of the photography world.

Do you want to claim the name of "Photographer"? Then study it, learn it and live it. Earn the right. Learn white balance, posing, composition and the world of Photoshop. Learn to shoot a wedding without blowing out the dress or turning it blue. Learn lighting and how to shoot on manual 100% of the time. Get a business license, pay your taxes, join professional organizations, get your certification, take classes and go to seminars.

People are entrusting you with their memories, with their loved ones and with their legacy. At the end of their life this is what they will be leaving behind. These photos are their voices to future generations. Did you serve them well? There is NO room for mediocrity. I am tired of your brides coming to me in tears and asking if I can reshoot their bridal photos because you didn't bother learning your craft.

So, I am not longer a photographer. Apparently that word doesn't mean anything anymore. That label is no guarantee of professionalism or even of competence. I don't know what to call myself. Maybe I will buy a nice pair of scissors and call myself a clothing designer.......

Our most recent wedding...

Free Halloween Photos on October 30th

Be sure and stop by the studio on October 30th between 10-6 to receive your FREE 4x6 Halloween Photo of your costumed cuties! Bring a donation of canned goods for the Wilson County Community Help Center and receive TWO free photos! And you know, you can't beat FREE!!
This photo is from Halloween, 2009. I have a new backdrop this year and I think they are going to be adorable so don't miss out!
amy

Some of my Photos

Photographing Newborns

I love my job! I know you get sick of hearing that but I can't help it! What could be better than to spend your days photographing those sweet little newborns? There is just something so fascinating about them. I mean, let's face it, they do absolutely nothing but they command the attention of an entire room. We stare at them for hours. It is not like they are doing anything exciting to maintain that level of interest so what is it about them?

I think it is because they are so tiny and so new. They have just arrived and are so fresh off the Heaven boat that you can't help but wonder if they still remember anything about where they were before. Not only the past of the babies but the future is so incredible to think about. They lay there vulnerable and sleeping while we stare at them and imagine the possibilities. Is this a future president, CEO, nurse or fireman? Will they start a family? Will they be funny or serious? What will be their favorite color? Will they excel in school or struggle? Will they ever know how much we love them, fear for them, would die to protect them?

They represent our past and our future. They are wrapped up in our greatest and purest of loves and snuggled in blankets of hope. Pure innocence as of yet untouched by life's hard lessons. They are the best of mankind.