A Love Letter to my Children on Mother's Day
I have been thinking a lot about Mother's Day this past week, about what it means to me personally as a mom. So, I have been thinking an awful lot about all of you. It seems that the time is passing so quickly and you guys are growing up so fast that I can not seem to catch my breath. Now that most of you are grown, I have been struggling with what my role as a mom is, who I am now that I am not the "hockey mom" or the "dance mom". I have been thinking about my role in your life and yours in mine and here are some thoughts I have had. Mother's Day is a time to celebrate your mother but I want to take this Mother's Day to celebrate you. (NO! That does not mean I am buying you a present!). For without you, I would not be a mother and all of you, individually and collectively have changed who I am. You have made me a better person for I have learned that there is no boundary in my ability to love. I have learned that I can love infinitely and completely, through every atom of my body and every breath in my soul. I have experienced my deepest fears such as when I watched Evan quit breathing when he was a baby but through that fear grew my strength. I have struggled with you when your friends hurt your feelings and anguished with you through those tough teenage years. I have felt my greatest joy in your smiles. I have explored the world with your tiny fingers and curious eyes. I even met some of my current best friends through your best friends.
Yes, I have helped you but sometimes I wonder if you know how much you have helped me. Every time I think about the five of you dragging me up that hill in Pompeii, I can't help but laugh. I never would have made it through Italy without your help. I don't know if you realize how much I relied upon you to get me through the dark, dark days of this past summer. I am so grateful to you for dragging me out of that despair.
As some of you started to move away from home, I became lost and afraid. But now I am realizing that I have not lost my babies. Your dimpled hands and chubby cheeks will always have their imprint on my heart. And I have gained so much. I can truly say that if you were not my children I would have included you in my life as my friends. I love to sit on the swings during the summers and listen to your philosophies on life. I am amazed at the people you have become and am so excited to be able to continue this life's journey with people who are smart and so, so funny.
I know I was not the perfect mom. I know I made many mistakes, things I did, should have done, didn't do, etc. but I promise all five of you this - Every thing I ever did to you, for you or with you, I did out of love. I have loved each one of you beyond comprehension and I am so very blessed that I have each of your personalities to surround me. Each of you is a part that makes me whole.
Yes, I gave you life but in you I was born and I am all the better because of you.
Happy Mother's Day, Chelsey, Alex, Blake, Nicholas and Evan.